


Lucky Strikes

by Amelie_Jas



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Addiction, Angst, Arguments, Concerned Penny, Concerned Simon, Emotions, Guilt, Hurt Simon, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Sad bois im sorry, Smoking, back to the future - Freeform, resolve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27868582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelie_Jas/pseuds/Amelie_Jas
Summary: Baz has picked up smoking again. He knows Simon wouldn't approve, and knows that he should probably talk to him about it. But he can't. Can't bring himself to admit it and knowingly hurt Simon. To break his promise.Poor Baz is smoking again. Arguments and emotions ensue. Sorry not sorry. Okay I am sorry.
Relationships: Penelope Bunce & Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch, Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Baz has a little rant about an argument and has a cigarette. Silly, poor Baz, honestly.

I know I shouldn’t be doing this. And no, not because I'm a highly flammable vampire, Crowley knows that hasn’t stopped me before, but because I am in love with the ridiculous Simon Snow who cares far too much about me. 

I focus on the glowing embers falling from the end of the cigarette, ignoring the potentially life threatening situation that could occur. I take a drag and slowly breathe out the smoke, making a ring with it in the air. it's quite beautiful actually, fire. Shame it can kill me the moment I touch it.

I draw another breath of smoke and delve back into the mess of my thoughts.

Going back, after Simon was eventually able to look after himself, he pushed that care onto me. Don’t get me wrong, I love it most of the time, all the sickening love and affection that’s plastered onto me every day. It's one hundred times better than him slouching on the sofa, drinking bottle after bottle of beer, refusing to let me kiss him, hug him or love him. But sometimes it gets a little aggravating.

A prime example is the reason why I'm out here right now, on the balcony of our London flat, smoking my life away - if it even counts as that when you're immune to disease. Our flat. It feels nice in my mouth. Of course, we aren't far from Bunce and Shepard's flat, but it's still our own. I’m only 3 cigarettes down so far, but I have a feeling that I won't have any left by the time I'm done. It's just one of those days. I guess I should be thankful that vampires can’t get sick. 

Now that I think about it, it was just a petty argument, nothing out of the ordinary; quite like the ones we shared back at Watford, except we don't tackle each other to the floor anymore. I’m not sure why its worked me up so much, but here I am, regardless. 

He was fussing over my lack of sleep and was being completely unreasonable about the whole situation. He doesn’t go to university, he works in a bakery; he doesn’t understand the workload, the stress - especially only a few weeks away from exams. Of course, I’m not saying he hasn’t experienced stress. Crowley, he’s experienced the most stress out of everyone I know. It's just that I'd expect a little less pushiness from him when he knows about the pressure I'm under, both from my Father and myself. 

I’ve been staying up late into the night to revise, not an unusual thing to do, and I still can’t manage to get it all done. Of course, If I want to be top of my class, I have to make certain sacrifices. If that's my sleep, then it should be no different from Watford - except, back then, I was doing it to avoid Simon and his questioning, suspicious stares. Unfortunately, Simon doesn’t seem understand these sacrifices anymore.

I take another drag and just stare. I once told Simon that I saw his moles and freckles as constellations, mapping his body. Now, staring at the shining stars in the cold night sky, my heart aches; a deep, guilty ache. I know how unhappy this would make Simon if he found out that I’m smoking again. And, the truth is, in any other circumstance, that would be more than enough to drive me to quit whatever it is forever. But, I can’t this time. I guess old habits die hard. Very, very hard.

I take one final puff before stumping it out and throwing it away. I can’t afford for Simon to find out about this, especially when he's already mad at me. I wouldn't hear the end of it.

I make my way inside and go to the bathroom, washing the taste of smoke away with some mouthwash. I'll properly brush my teeth later, to rid the last of the telltale scent. I avoid the bedroom, careful to give Simon space. Obviously he can’t go off anymore, not without his magick. But he can still give me a hell of a hard time if I make the wrong move. Going into the room smelling of cigarettes is definitely that. I need to revise anyway.

I open my textbook and start reading, ignoring the guilt settling deep into my bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter :) There is a lot of monologue and Baz ranting, sorry 'bout that! It is officially a 1am fic so i apologise for whatever I've just written...  
> Byeeeeee y'alllllll.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Penny talks to Baz... That's basically it. Lots of concern. Almost a mini therapy sesh if you like lmao.

Tonight, Bunce came over for ‘movie night’, as Simon likes to call it. I was reluctant to participate, I still have a lot of work to do, but Simon used his aggravating talent of winning me over and so I decided to join them. 

We've managed to sort ourselves out, Simon and I, after a long discussion and a lot of negotiating. I explained the importance of studying and he returned with the importance of sleep, that of which he is clearly well versed in. Eventually, we agreed that I'll study up until around 11 pm, and that I have to let Simon take care of me, feeding me and relaxing me. It's like the roles have been reversed from a few months ago. I don't think I particularly mind.

Bunce picked up an Indian takeaway on the way here, much to Simon’s delight, the smell filling the flat as soon as the door opened. I swear he has a dog's senses sometimes. We ended up watching ‘Back to the Future’, due to popular demand of a very enthusiastic Simon Snow. It’s a stupid name for a film if you ask me, how can you possibly go back if it’s in the future. Who comes up with these names, honestly? Although, I must admit, I did appreciate the DeLorean. 

I come to the conclusion that it was all worth it to see the soft, content look on Simon’s face as he lay with his head on my lap. It's a welcome sight compared to the looks we passed between each other during our argument.

He’s now in our bed, asleep in a food coma - a regular occurrence. I’m just tidying the take-away boxes and plates away with Bunce in a comfortable silence, one welcome after the bashful noise of the film.

Out of nowhere, Penny asks, “How are you dealing with exams?” 

“As well as expected. You?” I reply, too run down from nights upon nights of studying to form a proper response.

“Yeah, it’s alright. I mean, I thought Watford was a heavy workload, never mind this.”

I glance her way, giving an affirmative hum. A habit that I’ve grudgingly picked up from Simon, among many others. Bunce goes to the same university as me, although we take different courses.

We continue to pile up the dishes in the sink, the clattering of the cutlery being the only break in the silence.

“I heard that you’re not getting much sleep? How is it really going, Baz?” Bunce stops to give me an unwelcome and unneeded look of concern. Of course Simon would tell her, like it's any of her business. Okay, that was harsh. Still.

“Swimmingly, Bunce. Just making sure I come top of the class, as always.”

She scoffs in reply, shaking her head disbelievingly.

“Of course that's your priority.” She pauses, eyeing me carefully from where I’ve stopped cleaning to look up properly at her. Our eyes meet. “If only for the sake of Simon, take it easy. Second hand stress is a thing, Basil, and Simon is being very much affected.”

“Of course,” I answer, with a sigh, too tired to carry on the conversation.

She regards me for a moment longer, before going back to tidying.

“I’m going for some fresh air,” I call back in her general direction as I walk to the balcony door.

A welcome rush of fresh air hits my face as I close the door behind me. I let out a long, deep sigh, reaching into my back pocket for a cigarette. No need for a lighter, one quick flick of my wrist and it’s smoking away. That is the sweet irony of my life. A vampire with a connection to fire.

Just talking about exams with Bunce has me stressed again, thinking about all the time that I just lost on revising to watch a ridiculous film just because Simon asked me to. I do feel slightly bad leaving Bunce to clean the rest up of our mess when it's not even her flat, but I desperately needed an escape.

Another drag of smoke. I feel the need getting stronger and stronger as I breathe in and out. Like I can't live without it. I'm already that deep? Crowley.

Originally, I tried to make it a one off thing, but I've fully picked up the habit again it seems. It’s not too bad though, I’m familiar with addiction. Of course, craving a cigarette and a craving blood are two drastically different things, but the principle is the same. One small thing can set it off, like stress, and then I feel the powerful, sickening urge to smoke. 

I’ve practically accepted this now, like a double life. I’m not keen on the fact that I have to hide it from Simon, but I just can’t stop smoking and I know he wouldn’t be happy if he knew I was doing it only a few rooms away from him. It’s for the best if he doesn't know, or ever find out.

“Baz?”

I’m jerked from my guilty thoughts by Bunce’s surprised but stern voice. 

I whip my head towards her, stumping out my cigarette quickly in hopes that she hasn’t noticed it. Of course, that was foolish of me: nothing slips past Penelope Bunce.

I can practically feel the disappointment radiating off of her as she says, “What the hell are you doing Baz?”, ending with an exasperated sigh.

“I’m just getting some fresh air, like I said.” I know I won’t be able to play this off, but it’s worth a try.

“You know that won’t work, Basil.” Her gaze softens, full of sympathy. She moves from her place, frozen in the doorway, and leans against the wall on the other side of the door to me. “Why?”

I sigh for what feels like the hundredth time this evening, my gaze dropping to the floor, unable to face the pity in her eyes.

“I honestly don’t know. It could be stress, but I've always been able to deal fine with exams before. It’s just a habit, Bunce. A dirty, guilty pleasure.”

She stays silent, waiting to see if I have anything else to say. I’m telling the truth. I don’t know what brought it on. It all kicked off after the argument… Oh. 

“It started back up again after mine and Simon’s argument a few weeks ago, about exams and sleep, but I planned for it to be a one time thing. I guess it just brought it all back.”

All the memories. All the stress that caused me to start smoking in the first place, all those years ago. I know my mother wouldn’t approve of this, but there are so many things in my life that she’d probably hate me for that it doesn’t make much of a difference anymore.

We’re both silent, just listening to the ever-busy streets of late-night London.

Then, Penny says exactly what we’re both thinking.

“You should talk to Simon about this.”

“I know,” I admit.

“Will you? Or are you just going to agree to shut me up and get me to leave you alone?”

“I’ll do it. Not right away, but soon.”

“That’s good. Thank you.”

I finally lift my gaze back up to her, properly taking in her exhausted expression for the first time this evening. Exams must be getting to her, too. Maybe I should check on her more often.

“Please take care of yourself Baz,” She says, patting my shoulder and walking inside and to the front door after picking up her coat. She turns back to me and says, “Night.”

“Night, Penny.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well. Not sure where i'm going with this but, you know what, its fine. Hope you enjoyed..?  
> Byeeeeee peeps.


End file.
